Dark Night

There is a certain strange comfort when the soul is wrestling with the darkness of a night that seems to have no end in sight. The comfort comes from the Holy Spirit of God because you know His words are true and secure. What I once strived for now has been stripped away from my clingy grasp, and I am left with only outstretched hands, and the forlorn hope that I am in His. The idols that once looked like brilliant lights that illuminated this tainted world have now crashed to the floor of my inner most being, and I am left with utter darkness and in that place alone. If it all sounds so pitiful it would be, but for the assurance of mercy and grace. I know my God is with me, and Jesus Himself died for this agony, and how it pales like a speck of dust to 3 hours of brutal torture and 6 hours nailed to a cross.

                I am humbled this evening by pain in my soul, and the hope of Glory and Joy that I know God will bring in His absolute perfect timing. My mind still feverishly fights for memories of what is now gone, and holds to other worldly “securities’ that I feel slipping away with every passing moment. This stripping is by far the most difficult time I have experienced in my years on this earth, and in my past I have seen the diagnosis of terminal disease with an expected end date, 17 months in prison, and stared death in the face more times than I can recall in my once clouded mind. So to look at my circumstances today and say this is by far the darkest is a sobering and enlightening admission. I know God will bring beauty from these ashes and will give me the desires of my heart in the end, but my obligation is to understand that those desires may change as light floods my heart once this valley is navigated and the journey to the next summit begins. I know this for sure that though I long to be my “old self” again in joy, excitement, and laughter, I know that man will have died yet again in this hole, and the new man will be even better. That is the magnificent beauty in how Yeshua uses all things for the good of those that are called by His matchless name.

James 1: 1-5

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.